Monday, 17 January 2011

What a way to spend (another) year!

It’s probably about time I introduced you to my constant companion, Closetta. The one I’m handcuffed to.  She thinks I’m the lunatic, and vice versa.  But there’s no rancour.  Except when I get the credit card receipts.

It may surprise you to know that Closetta is a serial shopper.  She keeps dragging me off to look at frocks in shops and shoes on-screen. I’ve spent some of the best years of my life with her, searching for The Frock.  In fact after years of stuffing all her fripperies into boxes under the bed, two years ago I finally built Closetta a whole new set of closets.  And, give the girl her due for diligent work, all these closets are now rather full.  And still my sweet pet still wants more, more and yet more. 

To be fair, she’s started putting on weight – after being a semi-perfect dress size 16 (but squeezing into 14 on occasion) she’s now 16 bulging into an 18.  Which means that there is some duplication and redundancy.  Though the happy memories of each garment remain.  And so purging is not an option.  Not any more. Done that, still got the t-shirt (but lost a lot of great stuff, even if I say so myself)

Despite the dress-size, Closetta has always been pleased always to be able to take a standard shoe size UK8, which is pretty main-stream.  And she can perch on a 5” stiletto with the best. She’s claims it changes the posture and so is good for the back.  She’s right of course, but I’m not persuaded yet around the office.

All these clothes of hers mean that there’s a huge range of ‘looks’ to be experimented with.  Closetta neither know nor cares how many. (Two more items this week alone).  But I decided today to take a tally.  I counted 36 tops, 43 skirts, 127 dresses, 48 pairs of shoes and boots, 38 wigs, and 8 drawers of underwear. If there’s 10 different leg-looks – coloured tights, leggings, stockings (and that’s a low estimate), then [(36x43)+127]x48x38x10 makes over 30 million different outfits.  That’s before all the variations of jewellery, hair up/down etc.  If Closetta were to wear a different outfit every second of the day, it would take her a year to try out all the possible combinations.

And now, since she’s reading over my shoulder, I think she might just try.  So excuse me if the lunatic I’m handcuffed to, drags me away for yet another photo shoot! 

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